Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board this Ryanair flight.

In the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, masks will drop down from above you. Please insert 5 Euros for oxygen.

Gordon Brown has been very bad this year so Santa is bringing him a lump of coal.

Ironically, the last thing he needs is more Northern Rock.

How To Survive The Credit Crunch

The original article was found here.

Millions of people are worrying about how they are going to survive the credit crunch. The answer is simple: Become a hippy.

1. Smoke Pot – unlike alcohol there is no VAT on illegal drugs so you save money straight away. As cannabis is far safer than alcohol you also save on the cost of liver transplants in the future, so smoking pot is a sound investment for your old age. You could also consider becoming a weed dealer and/or grower which will help rebuild your nation’s shattered economy.

2. Don’t cut your hair, cut your costs – having long hair saves money and is warmer in winter. People with long hair save fuel costs, cut national dependence on foreign fuel, and cut CO2 emissions which could save humanity from extinction.

3. Don’t shave – razor blades, shaving cream and other fetish body hair removers such as leg waxing kits etc are all products of the decadent ‘throw away’ consumer society which is destroying the rain forest and your credit rating. Nature gave us hair for a reason. Don’t help Boots survive the credit crunch, help yourself and become a hairy hippie.

4. Squat now while stocks last – if you have a mortgage you can’t pay don’t worry about foreclosure. In fact the more foreclosures the better as this increases the housing stock available for squatting – now you can live mortgage free and rent free!

5. Become a pseudo ‘veggie’ or ‘virtual vegan’ – don’t worry, most veggies cheat so you can eat fish and meat when ever you want, but eating veggie can dramatically cut your food costs. For example Tescos are doing a can of red kidney beans for 18pence, while a pack of King Prawns costs at least £3.00. One meat meal requires 10 meals worth of grain to produce. Meat production creates 18% of world Co2 emissions while air travel contributes just 3%. This means ‘veggie’ hippies can still fly Ryan Air and save the planet! It is Plain Obvious.

What’s the difference between an estate agent and a pigeon?

A pigeon can still leave a deposit on a Porsche.

Societe Generale Crisis Management Flow Chart

Something funny…

Several bloggers have picked up a useful chart, shown below, designed to help bankers deal with their exposure to the crisis, although there is no evidence it really did originate within SocGen.